Detritus of the Mind

We finish out Final Fantasy Month with something that's always a bit tricky for me to write - a glowing review.  Like most people on the internet, I find it both easier and more entertaining to be negative.  But this game is one I would recommend to anyone who isn't a hopeless fratboy gamer, and I'm not sure I can find the words to describe how much I enjoyed it. I speak of a game for, of all systems, the PSP called Final Fantasy IV The Complete Collection . If you remember earlier in this month, I stated how much I enjoyed FFIV.  This game includes a version of the original game that combines the different additions from the GBA remake with a new graphics system (fuller, richer pixellated images with some modern effects on spells & summons), a complete collection of the WiiWare series The After Years , and a short Interlude chapter to bridge the two games & foreshadow the new threat.  I won't give a review of the original, and since I'm going to assume...

I'm doing this week's entry a little earlier than normal because I have a very busy weekend ahead of me.  So this one will be shorter than the rest. After writing up last week's entry and thinking again what a disappointment the game was, I started thinking of the Jobs/Crowns that initially made it seem like an innovative game and not a frustrating mire.  So I picked my top five of Jobs from The 4 Heroes of Light that I would like to see attempted in another, better Final Fantasy game (ideally, as part of a sequel to FFV). 5.) Merchant:   The whole point of the Merchant class is to get more gems; they have a slight boost to their stats, just enough to keep them from being ridiculous, but they really just serve to make your party richer.  Just convert the "gems" acquisition to gil & you're good to go.  This is not as greedy as it sounds, especially if you have any Jobs that use Gil Toss abilities. 4.) Alchemist:   If you're like me & you...

We interrupt Final Fantasy Month for an absolutely vital Precure rant. First, I'll be honest - I have seen about 55 minutes of New Stage , and it was in the raw, so I can only guess at the deeper story points from context.  But what I've seen hasn't impressed me.  The biggest complaint I've heard from everyone else is that the older Cures get very little screen time and not a lot of dialogue.  That I expect - the older casts get less & less to do as the All-Star movie series, and with the franchise running for a decade, it'd be hard to justify giving everyone a plot line in a single movie.  I was disappointed that there was no dazzling new form for everyone, nor a group attack, nor that we had to spend more time with my least-favorite season above all the rest (that would be Suite , a.k.a. Hibiki the Loudmouth and Three Other Girls ).  But that was not my biggest bother. No, that would be the face fault that is the introduction of the new movie...

Ladies & gentlemen, I am about to discuss the most disappointing game I ever played.  When I pre-ordered FF4HL, it came in the last week of October; I asked my family to hide it during November so I could spend my free time doing NaNoWriMo and not being distracted by a new game in one of my favorite franchises.  When I finally did get a chance to play it come December, my disappointment was almost a tangible creature.  I pictured it taking on a physical form, staring at me & my DS as I played, and asking "Why are you still playing a game that seems like it's going out of its way to punish you?" After about a month of trying & failing to enjoy FF4HL, I listened to this little gremlin and gave up.  I don't feel right reviewing a game I haven't finished unless it's to recommend it (which will be coming next week), but I feel the need to warn people away from this game. The plot is fairly straightforward - four heroes are chosen to be the champions...

Last month, The Game Heroes had their countdown of their five favorite Final Fantasy games.   I agreed with all of their choices, but it got me thinking of which five games in the series would be on my list and why.  So using my experience with the franchise, I present my own list of my Top Five Final Fantasy Games.  (Please note that, with all games using Job Systems, if Summoner is available, then it is automatically an honorable favorite job.) 5.) Final Fantasy X-2: Girls’ Night Out Adventuring - Why Others Dismiss It: I’m willing to bet lots of people who’ve never played it hate it just because Spoony hated it (as recent events have proven, Spoony has some serious issues, so I no longer consider his opinion worthwhile).   More fairly, though, I’ve heard complaints about the plot (especially the fairly unlikable Lenne & Shuyin) and the ridiculous amount of fanservice.   Both of those are perfectly valid. - Why I Like It: I’m sorry, haters, I ca...

Right.  This is my epic declaration of war against wangst, against the Comedy Ghetto, and against the pomposity of Tom Batiuk in particular.  I'm particularly proud of it, as it sums up my complaints about everything from the fallacy of "true art is angsty" to the fetish-culture the media has built around cancer to why my favorite movie is what it is.  This was originally written on Livejournal on 9/16/2009.  Enjoy.  Oh, and for the record, let's all wait for Batiuk to try & get this blog shut down for somehow infringing on his copyrights by criticizing his work - that's his #1 tactic for dealing with negative feedback. This is a long, long piece of work. Consider its title to be the "too long, didn't read" version. Otherwise, please, press on. Let me start with a personal anecdote. My favorite movie is The Producers - the original version with Zero Mostel & Gene Wilder where Hitler was played by an overbaked hippie. I can quote whole ...

Look, I know I can be a spiteful, petty asshole sometimes, but this is something that has been driving me nuts for the past couple of years.  One particularly embarassing new example has made me realize what I hate about it. It is the practice comic books companies have started doing of sending out single-image teasers for a new series, with maybe a single cryptic line of dialogue to try and start some talking.  I'm sure someone somewhere finds it entertaining, but me?  I just find it rather onanistic. I first saw it with Marvel's titles.  They would run, say, a single picture of a character in silohuette and have the tagline "I am a Defender"; by doing so, they hoped to get some buzz going about who will be starring in the new book.  Or, with the whole "vampires versus X-Men" story, they had preview picks of various X-characters as vampires, leaving you to guess which ones actually would be turned in the course of the story.  They did it so much that i...